HBP

Omg I have an incredibly high blood pressure. So perhaps my prediction of dying at the age of 60 from a heart attack is possibly true.

I am not encouraging treating death with a nonchalant attitude; it's just that by then, Mum and Dad would have passed on, while Sis has her family, and I would have no more responsibilities other than myself. Perhaps it appeals to some, the seemingly romantic notions of living by yourself so that no one has to worry about you. Are you worried that people are worrying about you?

I am sometimes guilty of not loving my family members. The reason was not unlike taking them for granted, but really, I guess that it is because maintaining long-term relationships will tend toward being habitual. And that probably applies to more than kinship.

Occasionally I attempt to project into the muddled future, but I see not any vestige of success at work, nor do I see myself in a family portrait with wife and kids. All that is positive remains cast in fantasy. It is hard to move on when there are so many past magnets of happiness and victories, whereas the future seems bleak and dense. I do try, making use of small opportunities that happen by; hopefully they can become minor milestones. ((:

Sigh, for YV attachment is coming to an end.