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Thursday, 26 February 2009

Living with life

What a lousy day, though, putting it into words would greatly diminish the meaning of lousy, so I shall not.

It has been a series of uneventful but unfortunate events, and I have since failed, and stopped trying to, see things from new angles. Do you not agree that life right now, is a vicious cycle, refusing to take a break from the rush hour? You have your Sundays, but just when you have finished that last Maclaurin's, that last Hydroxy, that last D.C., for that beautiful transient moment to rejuvenate your heart and soul, life throws you back into another scurry of stale activities. You can only streamline your mind to cope with what academics have to offer, mould yourself to fit society's norms and expectations, and that is all. You slowly lose your inspiration and true directions in life. Yes, there are many directions.

Of course, I fully comprehend what society's norms exist for. We all need to stress ourselves to just before the breaking point, for
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"As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed." - Vincent Van Gogh
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I love Van Gogh.
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Yes, life is not about getting emotional and whiny when you trip and fall and embarrass yourself in front of the guy/girl you have a crush on. It is about getting up and grinning widely in a foolish manner and hoping that he or she thought you were cute.
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But right now, what Dominic (ex-Dunmanian and uber community serviceman) said about getting the 'calling in life', maybe I haven't gotten mine? (But it's ripe time I get it; I want to go for my 'calling in life' with all that I have got.) Sidetracking, I still don't know my motivation for doing community service. I do not possess the kind and cheerful personality attributed to Lyon, I have no inspiration, lost my creativity, and generally have no sense of direction in life. I am weak. (As Quanyi would say.) But what of this?
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How can I be useful, of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be? - Vincent Van Gogh
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It's true that I have many self-doubts, but they are nothing to shout about. As I said, it's not about getting whiny, it's about taking it into your stride and then blowing it all away. You face life with a gung-ho attitude, and even if you die because of that at least you know you have been living in the heat of the life, exciting and bubbling with possibilities.
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If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing. - Vincent Van Gogh
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The last two quotes resonate deep within me, for they ring with both literal and figurative echoes.