失落与空虚

Just got back from PPCC, witnessed a quarrel between Coach and hunting-bowman. It was kind of scary, cuz the bowman looked like he was all for a fight. He was jabbing his fingers and shouting.
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So we got back our PW results today. I guess my group was pretty disappointed, except they didn't show it. All my teammates had decent grades so a poor PW grade would probably mar their result slips. I was the academic retard, and I thought.. that it couldn't get any worse. It has been long since I had high hopes for something, wanting something to happen, and hoping it will. Because of my repeated setbacks I had become stoic and unmotivated. And I believe in the eyes of others I am just a failure who scrapes through trials and manages to stay in a studious environment.

But the worst part was that I wasn't even trying to change that impression of me. I have become so accustomed to failure, that another one wouldn't appear to hurt. Since people were forever better than me, it would be alright to be just average. And that was what I would be, if I tried hard. Trying hard to be an average Joe. Yep, that is me. It is naive to believe that life will be great for the hardworking janitor. Life can only be good for the hardworking CEO.

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