AnxIety

Before an apology, you wonder what the other party might be thinking of you.
After an apology, you wonder how you handled it and whether the intended effect was there (to resolve misunderstandings, to placate, or to put things right?).

Too much anxiety.

On another note, I was too fixated on the small picture these two days and made some really bad financial decisions; lost quite a sum (to me, at least). Still losing until Monday comes around. Have never been so eager for the start of the week. I could have avoided this much loss but I chose to reject my rational judgement in order to avert feelings of shame and regret. It was an expensive lesson on risk management for me.

Tomorrow I shall finally settle down and get around to doing what I had wanted to during the last semester. Just want to find a nice place with matcha latte, good lighting, and spend the afternoon getting knowledge into my head. In other words a home away from home, minus all the distractions.

Too much lateral movement for me all this while. Getting somewhere, getting nowhere.