Monday greens

This is one of those days when I don't feel like doing anything. I have already been relentlessly reminded to get off my ass to get one of these things done instead of being a useless skill-less unemployed bum: Go apply for school; go learn some important skill ('that a guy MUST have', like driving); write in to HOTA and tell them to stay away from my organs (I was trying to delay this so mum would forget about it); go do something important with my life.

These days I keep getting flashbacks about my trainee days in ns, mostly in that dreaded place called pasir laba camp. When I was at my lowest, where were you? Same bunk as you but I never did get a firm hand to pull me up. And yet you claimed that I was one of your closer friends. All I ever had was the familiar tall dark figure of mr HBH in camp. I won't ever forget what happened in neo tiew - the fog and camo smudges in the loose, scarred goggles; the fit-like panting; the tears; the cold feet; the stares; the face; the disgust - or on that nights-out evening.

My painting lies unfinished on the desk, things that I need and want to print are still in soft copy. The world goes by outside the window. I am overwhelmed, not by the things I need to do - I have rarely been overwhelmed by that; it is the monsters that I hide under the bed that threaten to spill over into my rational life. What do you want? Someone I got to know yesterday said that. I didn't know because I didn't dare. All these mollycoddling for years have broken me down. I feel like blaming someone for stunting my growth. I always thought I was easily understood by my parents! Only recently I realised how wrong I was. No one knows what you are hiding if you don't say. Sometimes your enemies know you better because they can tell you are hiding stuff.

I don't know if I have become quieter at home, and noisier outside. I adopted a don't ask don't say policy. If I wish to talk about it I will drown you in my saliva. If not, don't ask - it doesn't help with the blood pressure. Maybe it's time for you to think about my behaviour and not for me to keep checks on my temper. I endure so much inside then I tolerate so much outside, I may implode.

±

On a brighter note, I did a four-hour cycling trip to pasir ris park last saturday before I met up with my buddies ws and ya (haha!). This is the route I took:

Starting from the park connector (serangoon park connector?) at the end of hougang ave 5, I sped in the direction of halus wetland. Upon reaching the connecting bridge, dismount and cross.

Next, find the road that connects halus wetland to pasir ris farmway 3 and cycle non-stop onwards! Eventually you will reach the junction that will lead you on to pasir ris drive 1. Keep going on the left side of the road and you encounter a park connector (can't remember the sungei name). Turn in and go, go, go and you will see a horse-riding school later and soon you are at the park.

Did a quick spin and decided to come back quickly because my saddle was becoming loose again.

In the afternoon I was planning to go to cafe e jardin but damn it my brain forgot it was a public holiday. So it was closed. So we ended up at Subway, and I fumbled around before asking the subway guy (who was very polite and friendly) for the password to the joint's wireless network. As usual ya was being selective about his googled sites but eventually we went to get our one million dolla-dong! :D