做人真难

我已久日没有动笔作画了。

有一股莫名的被动停止了我。我一直在想这是为何？我终于知道了。除了没有创作灵感，就是害怕制造不出来让人有所感受的作品来。再者，我也感觉到美术里画家的傲气。让我先说明一下吧：想要批评一个作品有时是件简单的事，有时却困难百倍。不只考虑到创作者的心情，也得考虑到他拥有的 -- 即使是少量的 -- 傲气。你有办法达到他的水准吗？没有的话请住嘴。那作画的我也难免会有这股傲气，毕竟我修养不到家，没有大将之风，却想掩盖这个事实。

批评是极为普遍的。像是说刚看的电影不过如此，或本地球队不堪一击，或是买来的汉堡不好吃等。我们会有任何的反应是因为我们有其它类似的东西可以拿来作比较与参考。比如说《锦衣卫》的演员能把演技发挥到淋漓尽致，而《Percy Jackson》里的演技实在烂透；英超联赛里的任何一个球队都能轻易击败本地球队；汉堡王的牛肉汉堡比麦当劳的好吃到~

艺术作品包含了不只是艺人的血汗、也不只是他想表达给观众的。它也是有一定的商业价值。
还有傲气。

批评艺术作品是一件不容易做的事情。我们只能默默地成为友善、和蔼的观众。

让我们乘着阳光

I got my official 宅男 specs today, and I look very 宅 in them indeed.



After getting my 宅男 specs, I chionged down to city hall to pass st xy's present. The hungry figure then walked around suntec alone. I was hoping to grab dinner at Just Noodles, a pity Elvis (see below) had to go out with his family while Weijie the tardy boy was too lazy to change clothes.

Also, Elvis has checked out, while Roy and Chiat Siang are checking out from Hotel Tekong tomorrow. This means what? Movie day!!! Yeah man. Hahaha. This is our Final Destination, before we too check into Hotel Tekong. When? After probably-results day. Onwards, Percy Jackson!

肚子饿

昨晚，缺乏睡眠的身体吵着要睡觉。然而，脑筋在一瞬间却不舍得停止转动（这是“日有所思”的范围,到了做梦时依然在转动）。我辗转难眠，起身泡了一杯热巧克力，在厨房看那多的悬疑小说。因为看书比较用神，半夜一点四十分，我的眼珠稍感疲惫，我即上床，马上见周公。

其实在一千年以前我曾经苦思过人存在的意义。不过过了许久，我迟迟没有什么收获。大家都要活着充实、有意义的人生。不过什么是“充实、有意义的人生”？我依然困扰着。人自称是地球的第一号生物，但有好些事情永远只是猜测，预算不到，也研究不出来。

说到“永远”二字，我感到莫名的兴奋，又有种不踏实的感受。直觉，不，应该是潜意识告诉我，想要保持永恒的人被它的神秘气息迷住了，因为永恒是很难想象的，也是不容易达到的。不过，我本身也被吸引住了。我想保留我生命里的一些永恒。这也牵涉到“永生”。我希望我的父母一直健在着。我希望我的姐姐也如此。我希望我的好朋友也是。而我自己，当然也是。我希望可以留住初恋与暗恋的感觉，虽然我不是很确定我是否有过前者。我希望能够与一个终生伴侣白头偕老。我希望在我因老了，吸最后一口气（这样好像有点矛盾，毕竟我都希望要永生了）时，同样老了的朋友，可以在我身边。不是同年同月同日生，至少能同年同月同日死。

看得出，有些事情只不过是人的一份贪念，是不合逻辑的一些追求。

这是一封请求信，也是一个鼓励。

妈妈说真心爱会爱得更精彩，结果我没有女孩
When I see you
I run out of words to say
I wouldn't leave you
'Cause you're that type of girl to make me stay

为什么找了些情歌歌词？因为近日被一位友人缠得要命！XX先生喜欢上XX小姐，想要以某种狡猾的手段见XX小姐一面。我变成夹心饼里的奶油，很压抑呢！所以XX先生，看到此帖子时，请积极主动地追求这位XX小姐，以防她看上YY或ZZ先生，也好让我的生活好过一点！谢谢！

那多，谢谢你的文笔。

近日（其实是今天）看完一本那多的悬疑小说:《反转》。里面的三个手记让我留下深刻的印象，而且非常佩服作者纯熟的手法与整肚子的墨水。非一般的智慧加上新鲜、匪夷所思的故事内容；这些是很精彩，而显得真实的故事。因为最后的手记在24小时内读完，所以印象略深。《返祖》提出“直觉”有可能就是潜意识。人一天内看到、听到、嗅到、或触摸到的东西是无数的，使到一些被认为是不重要的自动过滤掉。不过这些被过滤掉的东西并没有完全消失，而是伏在潜意识里，渐渐形成所谓的“直觉”。

刚刚，老爸刚进门就拿了一袋不明物体走入房里。他还没开口说话，我便猜了：“鸡翅膀啊？”

老爸吃惊。

Brocade Guards

Today is movie outing day! Seems like a movie outing day will become a permanent fixture of our lives for every week, until ORD. But why am I talking about ORDing? I have not even enlisted.

We watched 14 Blades, or 锦衣卫. There was one major disappointment with the movie, but there were the redeeming parts. The Brocade Guards were the secret police of the Ming Dynasty, the personal guards of the emperor. I watched the 制作特辑 beforehand, and was informed that the Jin Yi Wei existed in history, and that one difference between them and other guards was that they had many weapons - the 14 blades. The 14 blades were introduced at the very beginning, eight were reserved for torture and interrogation, five for killing and the last for suicide. But the letdown was that these detailed descriptions end here! I was waiting for more demonstrations of the 14 blades, so much that I thought Qing Long would commit suicide with the last blade after killing Xuan Wu. But Xuan Wu died rather ordinarily, far from the 两败俱伤 fight of Tuo Tuo and Qing Long.

After that we decided to burn a hole in our pockets by going to the coffee connoisseur. A cup of hot chocolate costs $6.20, while there was a 10% service charge, in addition to GST. The hot cafe latte tasted average for about the same price, but at least we got to talk. Someone was sticking out like a sore thumb in No.4 and backpack. >:D

Then another 140 dollars gone! I went to get my NS specs ($120 for 700 myopia, 75 astig for each eye) made and a budget Casio watch. Roy if you happen to read this my specs shop is Teck Yew at Kovan. My first pair was made there, and thereafter. Don't spend >200 on a pair of specs! Hahaha.

I am not looking forward to visiting later on. It is a boring aspect of CNY. You are taken aback. You question me, aghast, does CNY not mainly involve visiting your friends and relatives? I am adamant, for I do not like crowds in an enclosed space, nor do I enjoy meeting strangers each new year, and then coming to an understanding that these unfamiliar faces either share the same surname as me, or at least have some amount of blood that runs the same in our veins.

I am also not accustomed to adults going gaga over a brat who refuses to take an angpao becasue it has an image of a girl on it and he's a boy. I don't find it extremely exhilarating, the only emotion I feel is wtf? This kid is rude.

On another note, happy Valentine's! Or friendship day. Or something.

On a quiet bus

It's the start of a new weekend. A laziness hangs over the heartlands. A bustling estate is virtually unseen, but I know the quiet front is but a facade, covering up the intense activity that goes beyond in the homes, markets and supermarkets. Stomach growling, I was proven right when the bus passes by the newly opened market in sengkang.

Typing at a quiet bus-stop in sengkang

The silence - occasionally disrupted by the few cars making their way to and from various destinations - makes me fear that I have missed the last bus. But the board behind me clearly indicated that the last buses were at least 15 minutes away.

Today concludes my job as beer promoter/merchandiser. My adventurous mission began when I initially picked the longest schedule available so that I will have more of my lonesome days occupied. But one day into my job at shengsiong tekka I was more or less compelled to make a temporal transfer to shengsiong tanjong katong. Then after another three days I was told to stop work for four days, and get transferred to a new location. I was worried, and blamed my poor promoting skillz, but I later discovered a greater truth, and a more logical reason for my transfers. Also, so much for signing a bloody contract. A very versatile contract!

Back to today: I was deployed at Rivervale Mall, a ghost town mall on first impression. Today was my last day, and the day I lose my penknife (a rather prized possession I have come to appreciate). NTUC was more sai gang then shengsiong outlets, but at least there were people to talk to and guide you. A promoter I was less, a merchandiser and a coolie I was more of. Beer seemed to come everyday in hundreds of cartons, and just today we shelved 150 cartons of tiger beer, while yesterday was an amalgam of Leo, GFES, Carlsberg, Chang, Baron's, Tiger (120 cartons) and Jolly Shandy, in quarts, singles or tall cans.

I was somewhat sad to leave, although the job was rather lousy, but there were some friends made, like marigold, yeos and carlsberg. There was also a pretty cashier and pretty customers whom I am not allowed to check out. Also, auntie in charge of us was funny and nice.

Oh, and I strongly believed that the reason of my transfer was that a guy was needed at where I was deployed, to carry heavy beer. And yes, my muscles have become more taut and bigger after carrying those damn cans and bottles!

P.S. Never go for agencies! They eat part of your pay and give you ridiculous break time slots that are impossible to follow.